I bought this Reliance data card connection. I got carried away by the impressive pro's of this device. Connect seamlessly across 5700 towns ? Thats a boon. Who knows I may have to work from Lakshwadeep sometime. Access speeds upto 144Mbps ! 1GB Transfer per month at just Rs 650 ! To top it, they have cool pictures of intelligent looking people sitting probably somewhere in Goa, hooked on to their laptops. I was beginning to imagine myself amongst them.
So I went into the nearest Web World and got myself a connection that took only about 1/2 hr (I had all proofs with me). Little was I to know the future. I excitedly brought the setup home, and inserted the card, installed software.....blah blah..
The connection is so pathetically slow, it is not even 1.44Kbps (The faithful dashboard told me that my average data transfer rate was 0.09Kbps). On top of it, Reliance Coverage was not very strong inside my living room (coverage-wise they are better than Hutch). So I cannot lie down on my couch and surf the web, as I previously imagined. I had to move to the balcony and point my laptop wierdly in directions. The kids next door stopped their play and watched me eagerly, expecting me to drop my PC anytime and create an amusement break for them. To me, not much avail. The speed did improve, but it became a measly 2Kbps. Google took 15 seconds to load.
The images of me zipping across my car, and checking my mail from a remote location started blurring into insignificance. Youtube and Google Earth became a distant dream. Blogging has become a big pain. I sometimes double posted my comments, and had to waste as much as an hour trying to correct small typos. Suddenly a dial-up connection seemed faster.
This thing is a big rip-off. I'm sure Airtel is no better. The Worst is that the damn card reduces your on-battery time of your laptop by Half !!My Thinkpad T42 already gives me a degraded 2 hrs on Battery. Now it is reduced to 1 Hr !! (This is a ZTE Card). It is unfathomable of how could people come up with such a stupid product-cum-service that a) Sucks your battery dry, b) Gives you a speed of connection that can go down on speeds so unimaginaby slow, that the software makers probably had good sense to put in 4-5 decimal places before zero whie computing speed.
A silver lining is that I discovered the poor cousin of Youtube. It is called scribd (I think someone made this stupid rule that any site to "sound" web2.0, should have a name that is a verb, but missing one or two vowels in their name. Eg Flickr ?). I have started going through some of the material posted, and some articles seem to make good reading as well. Some articles, though are extremely hilarious.
Showing posts with label Sarcasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sarcasm. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Monday, September 18, 2006
20 Things I learnt at the movies
1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.
13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
18. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.
19. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction.
20. If everyone in a team dies, it's the last man's job to win the fight against his enemy.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.
13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
18. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.
19. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction.
20. If everyone in a team dies, it's the last man's job to win the fight against his enemy.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Murphy's Corollaries at Work
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Online Grievance System in India
I've personally never tried using these systems, do cannot vouch for their effctivness, but I think it is way forward in outlook, and the Indian government must be appreciated for their efforts to maintain an online greivance system.
Here are some I found out last week.
http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/
When I visited this site, I saw that I was the 67,000th person to have visited this site. So either this is new or not many ppl have tried this.
Closely linked to this site is the website of the Indian Citizen's charter that explains citizens of their mandate. Check it out. Very informative.
Couple of sites especially for ppl who get bogged by calls from Multinational Banks who thrust credit cards into unsuspecting pockets and burn a hole through them
http://www.rbi.org.in/scripts/PublicationReportDetails.aspx?fromdate=06/28/05&SecId=21&SubSecId=0
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=19942457
I was informed there is also a greivance forum but couls not manage to find it on google (let me know if you know)
Here are some I found out last week.
http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/
When I visited this site, I saw that I was the 67,000th person to have visited this site. So either this is new or not many ppl have tried this.
Closely linked to this site is the website of the Indian Citizen's charter that explains citizens of their mandate. Check it out. Very informative.
Couple of sites especially for ppl who get bogged by calls from Multinational Banks who thrust credit cards into unsuspecting pockets and burn a hole through them
http://www.rbi.org.in/scripts/PublicationReportDetails.aspx?fromdate=06/28/05&SecId=21&SubSecId=0
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=19942457
I was informed there is also a greivance forum but couls not manage to find it on google (let me know if you know)
Friday, January 06, 2006
British, U.S. spying draws us closer to Orwell's Big Brother
Here is an article from my current organization's CEO. It was highly amusing to read this amidst local news on "journalistic spying"(I would call that) in our country.
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/13506583.htm
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